shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
