Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
