I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize