i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
