she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
