Non-Jews are for practice
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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