Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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