hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
