I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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