She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
