Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
