Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
