he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just found puke in my bra..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
