yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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