ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Randomize
