i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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