I'm lost and stupid without you.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
