were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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