Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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