Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
