Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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