as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Holy sore nipples Batman
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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