the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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