her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
