im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
well, you know. whores of a feather.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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