that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
