The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize