This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
