considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Randomize
