My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You need a sexual gate keeper
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
