i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize