when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
