Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize