his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
