after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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