8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
