first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize