Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
