i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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