am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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