In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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