I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
