Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Houston, we have a blender
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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