rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My vagina is officially offended.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
