Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
