there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
