turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
