White coat. Heels.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
