pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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