hotel room ftw
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
