I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
