like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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