i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
