so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
