So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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