If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
