Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
