handjob tips. give me some.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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