if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
