Do you still have your period?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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