Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
