Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
