Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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